Monday, 10 November 2003


Toronto--In today's municipal elections David Miller, the most leftwing of the major candidates for mayor of Toronto, has edged out the most conservative major candidate, John Tory, to become the new mayor of Canada's metropolis.

Tory, a former CEO of Rogers Cable, complained that "I could have won if they'd accepted my plan for negative option voting. What's good for Rogers Cable is good for Canada--just ask the CRTC."

Posted 10:15 AM by Global HQ Freelton


New York--The International Atomic Energy Agency has announced that it has found no evidence of an Iranian program to develop nuclear weapons.

In Washington, American "president" George W. Bosh anounced that this finding confirmed American suspicions. "These international agencies said that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction or plans to develop any, which is why we had to invade Iraq. Now they've implicated Iran as well."

In Pyongyang Kim Jong-Il expressed great futility at his inability to attract American attention. "We North Koreans have got WMDs up the wazoo," the Dear Leader announced. "But the US treats us as if we've got BO or something. I mean, if the US wants a fight, we're ready to go. What do we have to do, bomb Tokyo?"